Taking our eyes off ourselves....

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5


     This has been a tough year.   Actually a tough two years.    But the worst of it has been from about a year ago through now... I have had to really depend on God to get me through each and every day.... Each day has been a struggle in it's own special way...  I have stayed busy.  God has shown me that it helps to take my eyes off of my own problems and keep them on wherever He has taken me.   It has not been easy.  There are many days where I don't want to get out of bed in the morning... but I do.   Other days I can't wait to get off work so that I can crawl back into bed....   I can't tell you the last time I had someone over to my place.... I can tell you that I have not been alone.   God has been there with me every day, every moment of each day.   I have not always felt His presence, yet I have always known He was there.  
         I know that many of you have also had a rough year.   No picnic for sure.   It is hard to give to others when you feel like you are in need yourself.   And yet, we do....  that is what keeps us going....    it is how we serve God, by being there for others, even when we would rather roll up on the sofa and hide.   
         Sometimes serving brings us joy.   If you like children, you might be blessed by being able to teach Sunday School, or by helping a friend babysit.  If you like to cook, you might be blessed by being able to cook for people in your home or at an event.   If you're like me, and you're not a people person, you might be blessed by being able to do computer work or office work that helps others.   
        Still we must remember that acts aren't all that important in God's eyes.   Acts are something that we might "want" to do because we want to serve.   We should not be looking for recognition or acceptance because of "what" we do.    
       Lately I have had several people say that they were thankful for the things that I do.  It kind of puts me off.   I don't do "things"  so that people will be thankful,   I don't want people to be willing to keep me around because I am useful.   
        I was with a friend the other day and this friend called someone else whom I am also friends with.  They were on speaker phone and somewhere during the conversation it came up that I was there with that friend that day and then this friend asked the other person if they wanted to say hello to me, the other person said "oh, well I guess I have to now."  I don't think they knew they were on speaker.  Wow, that really stung.  I hadn't realized... I have really been thinking about that a lot this week.  It hurt.  A lot.   But I am reminded that when we let people into our lives we allow not only the joy that they bring but also the pain that they will also bring.   When we open our hearts we let in both the good and the bad.   Everyone whom we let into our lives will eventually hurt us.  They probably won't mean to.  But it will happen.  Just as we will hurt them (we may have already hurt them without even realizing).   Love, real true love is being able to get over it.   To know that it will happen and to not push them away.   To see the imperfections in people and to say "so what".... to be able to push the imperfections inside and see the heart of the person.   
        I want people to want to know me because they just like having me around.  I know I am not a particularly friendly person.   I know I can be pretty darn hard to like.   But I do have a heart for God.  And I am a loyal friend to those whom I think of as family.   I have tried to be there for you guys.  And I have been most especially thankful for those of you who have been there for me.   I hope that I have not been too much of a drain on anyone.   I am still working daily to take my needs to God and not to my friends.   It is a constant work in progress.   A daily struggle.   If I have neglected anyone I apologize,  but I have been kind of  deep in thought a lot lately.    I know I am rambling.  I'm gonna go.  
       I may soon take a break from this blog to get my head together.   I will let God lead in that.   If He continues to bless me with something to write; then I will continue to write.   I don't want you to have to read MY ramblings, but rather HIS words.
         "Dear Lord,  Thanks for everything.   Thanks for always being there.  Thanks for getting us through the hard times, and not just leaving us to fend for ourselves.   And thanks for bringing people into our lives that live YOUR word.   And please continue to use us to do YOUR will.   I am thankful that at least You know the plans You have for us...."

Are you my mother?

"Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."  When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.  Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."   Matthew 19:21-24


     I once read a book to my niece called "Are you my mother?".   In this book a baby bird falls out of the nest and goes searching for his mother.   The most important thing in this baby bird's life is finding his mother.   Along the way he asks everyone and everything he meets if it was his mother....  he is ready to follow each of them until he learns that they are NOT his mother.
      We are much like that baby bird.   We are searching for the one who will care for us and nurture us.   God is the one.   But until we really accept that, we will search for the one thing that will make us feel happy and safe.   
      When I was in college I had a friend named John.    John is the one who taught me the basics of everything that I believe about God today.   One of the things that John drilled into my head is the realization that whatever we make the most important thing in our life becomes "our God".   Whatever we value most.  Whatever we want most.   That becomes our "God".  
      If our desire is to attain great wealth, then the wealth becomes like our "God".   We do whatever we can to achieve it.   We are consumed with it...  This thing that we find most important in our lives becomes all consuming....  it can be anything.... Books, Music, Money, Belongings, even people....   if we make something the most important thing in our lives.  If we put that before everything else in our lives then it has surely become our "God".
      Wouldn't it be great if we could make God our "God".   If our greatest desire was for a better relationship with Him.  If we were consumed with the desire to have a better closer walk with Him.   If we wanted to be with Him more than anything else...   We would be like that baby bird.... always looking for God in everything we do....   the difference would be that God would always be there for us.... He never leaves us.  Never deserts us.   If we seek Him out, we will find him....
      Dear Lord,   I want to see You in all I do.   Yet I sometimes forget to look for You.  I know that You are always there with me.  Yet I sometimes forget to reach out for Your helping hand.   I know that You are there for me all the time.   You are my safety net.   You are there protecting me and keeping me safe.  And yet sometimes I fear that which is around me.  Please help me to keep You at the center of my life.   To turn to You in everything that I do.  To seek You out everywhere I go.   To remember that I don't need to go around like that baby bird asking "are you my mother?" because I belong to You.  And you are always there....

Don't Run With Scissors

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first..."                Revelations 2:4-5 
   
           I can remember when I first learned to hit a softball.   I was about seven years old.  My uncle was coaching me.   We stood in his dining room (yes his dining room) and he was instructing me on how to properly swing the bat.  My aunt just watched and shook her head... For what seemed like several weeks he would have me stand in the dining room and practice my stance, practice swinging the bat at an imaginary ball.   
           Can you imagine doing that in your mother's house?  I sure can't.  There were rules against that.  If it was fun - there was a rule against it...    at least that's how I remember it.  My mother did have a rule that there was to be no ball playing in the house.   Of course as a child you never understand the reasons for the rules.    You think  "why can't I run with scissors? I'll be careful. It won't happen to me..."  
            It's only now, as an adult, with my own home, that I realize the logic behind the rules. I had the opportunity recently to spend a lot of time with my young niece and nephew.  More time than I would normally spend with them, and I found myself turning into my mother.... all of a sudden I found myself enforcing rules.   I didn't want to.  But I felt it necessary to keep the kids from hurting themselves, each other and me.   The kicker was when my seven year old niece decided that she had bowled all she was going to so she threw the bowling ball overhand, across her lane into someone else's lane.  Yes, I did say overhand.  Well gosh, I kind of lost it there.  Especially when the manager of the bowling lane screamed and came rushing over.... But God was working.  He calmed me quickly.  I didn't yell.  God gave me the words, and I said them to my niece.  Whispered them in her little ear as I yanked her off the lane.   The manager saw this, calmed down and didn't throw us out.... my nephew was embarrassed but glad.   Rules are there for a reason.
         God has rules.   God wants us to follow those rules.   Those rules are there for a reason.  They are meant to protect us from hurting ourselves or others, and to protect us from being hurt by others.   Like all adults do, God has to enforce those rules.  We like children are not so good at following them.   
          But if you think I'm saying that works is important, you're not getting it.   While I think that God wants us to follow the rules, He has said that it's not about the works.  I kind of think that what God really cares about is our attitude toward the rules.  
          Jesus did not always follow the "rules".   He looked at the situation and did the right thing.  What do we do?  If I don't follow a rule, simply because I don't want to is that right? If I jaywalk because someone fell and got hurt directly across the street from me and I want to help them, is it wrong?  Did I break a "rule"? Sure.  Did breaking that "rule" disrespect God or did it honor Him?  I think that is an important question.  
          God should be our first love.  In my humble opinion, I believe that if we love God, we "should" want to do that which honors Him.  Doing what God has asked of us is a great way to show that we honor Him, but that is not everything.  Our attitude must also be honoring God.   If I do good works but do not do them with love then they are worthless works.  If I follow God's rules that is good, but it also could be considered worthless if our attitude toward what we are doing is not right.  But alas, we are human and as such we are not so good at the rule thing.   Much like children we try but we just can't seem to stay focused on what we should.  And much like children, we fail to do what God has asked of us.   If our attitude is right, if we are seeking to honor God but just can't seem to do it right, it might be a sign that we need to humble ourselves and ask God for some help here....    Paul spoke for me when he said that "he does that which he doesn't want to do and doesn't do that which he wants to do" (paraphrased).  Paul loved God.  Paul constantly sought to serve God with all of his heart, and yet he too failed at times.   But God stuck with Paul and continued to love him, and God will do the same for us when we fail.    
          When God is speaking to the town in Revelations He is telling them to get back on track.  I think that He is saying "hey, you had it right, but then you took your eyes off Me and turned them back on yourselves.  Slow down, come back and lets get back to the basics... or else...."  He is warning them of what will happen if they don't get their attitude toward Him back to how it should be.... We love God.  We try to do His will.  We need to stay focused.  With His help we can do it.  We CAN honor Him and try to follow His rules.  Acts aren't what it's all about but it IS a good way to show Honor toward God IF we can do it with the right "tude".   
          Dear Lord,  wow, I can't believe that I actually said that rules are there for a reason.  You know that I am not very good at following the rules, and at doing what You want me to.  You also know that I try.  I want to honor You in all that I do.  Please know that I want to do what's right.  Well usually I do.  Know that I am truly repentant for the times when I either don't want to follow the rules, or when I just can't seem to get it right.  Please continue to be patient with me and give me those nudges that keep me aimed in the right direction.  And thanks for being there with me to guide and teach me as I tried to help protect my special little ones.  

The wheels on the bus go round and round...

"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ."  1 Corinthians 12:12

        I got stuck following a PAT Bus on the way to work this morning.    The bus seemed to stop about every fifty feet to let more passengers get onboard.   It was a long ride.   But you guessed it, it got me thinking.    

         A bus full of passengers has a personality.   As more passengers enter the bus, the personality morphs.  It changes as the makeup of the passengers change.   If a happy outgoing passenger enters the bus and starts conversing with those around her, the bus will take on a happy cheerful mode.   If all the passengers are sitting reading their newspapers it will be quiet and reserved.  If a scary looking passenger enters the bus and starts checking out everyone the mood will become nervous and wary.   For the folks riding the bus, it might take the same route, but the ride can vary from day to day....   That bus is kind of like life.  

         Life happens.   Every day when we awaken we begin a new ride.   We start somewhere.  We end up somewhere else.   We have several stops along the way.   People come and go.  Entering our ride for a little while each day.   They each bring something different to the table.  They each play a different role.   Our lives would not be the same without them.      

         Hopefully God is driving the bus.  Each day when we awaken, we ought to be asking Him to take the wheel.   To drive the bus.   After all, he is the only one who really knows the route.   And if problems arise, He knows it's coming and He knows all the detours.  Our ride changes daily depending on whom we are in contact with and what is happening in our lives. But the one steady thing is that we have the same driver every day.   He will get us where He wants us to go.   We just need to be there.  And we need to resist the urge to jump into the driver's seat.   No matter how long it seems to take to get there.  Cause we will only end up lost.

        Dear Lord,   take the wheel.    Please help me to be content to sit in the back seat, and to resist the urge to jump up front.   I don't know the way, but You do.   I don't know what is coming up in my future, but You do.   I can't steer clear of troubles, but You can guide me through them.   You know the way.   And please help me to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Thanks.